How the Psychic Stole Christmas
by Raychelle Edwards
Summary: A cute and funny little christmas one shot with evil plots and hilarious behavior. And a tiny little pyschic who likes to hold grudges. A play off of Dr. Suess how the grinch stole christmas. enjoy!


**A/N: Hey guys im back. Crazy huh? I've been gone for so long. I feel horrible. But here's a fun little Christmas one shot for ya. Hope u like it. There will be a sequel if this is liked.**** I do not own How the Grinch Stole Christmas or the Twilight characters. Those are Dr. Suess'****s**** and Stephenie Meyers.**** Read on!**

How the Psychic Stole Christmas One Shot

_It was a magical time of year. The __Cullens__ decided to __give Bella a Christmas she would never forget. Lights, decorations, a tree, presents, the whole shebang. Everything would be perfect for her. At least that's what they thought, but unfortunately cooking the meal, purchasing presents, setting up, keeping Bella in the dark, and controlling Emmett, Jasper, and Alice would be harder than the rest of the family thought. _

"Emmett!!! Damnit! Be quiet!" Alice whisper-yelled crouching by a corner just out of Edward's sight. Edward had just gotten back from cutting down the tree and was in the process of setting it up next to the piano.

"Alright boys let's move out." Alice declared speaking like a commanding officer.

"Alice dear I don't think this is the best idea." Jasper said trying to reason with his wife.

"Jazzy this is the like best idea I've ever had." Alice retorted. "Now move, move, move!" She yelled pushing on her brother's and husband's backs to get them to move.

Her troops were advancing towards the intended target crouched low to the floor before an unexpected disturbance appeared in front of them. They were face to face with the knee caps of the authority personnel. Alice's plot had been foiled. She looked up into the face of the enemy.

_Drat!_She thought. It was none other than Edward himself.

"Precisely Alice."

_Damn you Edward! I will defeat you! _Alice declared in her mind. She had unconsciously made a fist and was making a very determined face.

"Yeah you do that." Edward mocked her turning on his heel gracefully and gliding back to the tree to begin decorating it for Bella.

"Oh I will little man I will. If I can't plan Christmas, nobody will." Alice said to herself diabolically.

"Alice if anyone is little it's you and your petite little frame." Emmett teased.

"Troops retreat! Back to the planning board!" Alice commanded.

"Come on Alice you're not gonna win Edward is determined to give Bella the best Christmas of her life." Emmett complained.

"Oh no, you're not bailing out on your commanding officer maggot!" Alice threatened grabbing Emmett by the ear and dragging him to their secret headquarters.

Once securely hidden within Alice's secret confines of her headquarters she sat down on a paint bucket crossing her legs and calmly began to strategize.

"Jasper. Emmett." She nodded at both of them. "Edward has foiled our first attempt to take over Christmas."

"You know sis you kinda sound like the Grinch. Are you going to steal everyone's Christmas?" Emmett joked. Jasper nudged him with his elbow and snarled.

"Don't give her any ideas you idiot!"

"Umm…okay Alice scratch that…umm…you will not take over Christmas!" Emmett said wiggling his fingers in front of her face trying to trance her into the opposite of his earlier statement failing miserably. A mischievous and distinctive Cheshire cat like grin was spreading across her lips.

"Oh no, Alice please don't do this?" Jasper begged.

"Too late my little love slave the plan has been formed." Alice's smile was wicked and frightful.

"Why me?" Jasper asked the roof.

"Because muffin pants I asked you to." Alice said chipper. "Now this is what we're going to do." She said suddenly becoming serious.

Both Emmett and Jasper groaned. Emmett outwardly while Jasper's was inward. Alice proceeded to explain.

"Emmett you are to dress up as Santa this year right?"

"Yes." Emmett sighed.

"Good good and Jasper sweetheart you're the reindeer?"

"Unfortunately."

"Even better, I am to be the little Who girl, Cindy Lou. We will all still dress up but instead of presents in Santa's big red velvet sack there will be a… different… surprise."

"Edward is going to be pissed to the extreme when he finds out and you know he will." Emmett stated.

"Not if you keep your mouth shut." Alice snapped.

"Heeeelllloooo, anybody in there?" Emmett asked tapping the side of Alice's head. "He can read minds!" He yelled.

"Right, well then don't think that shouldn't be too hard for you to accomplish Emmett. Jasper and I are already pretty good at blocking him out so we're all good."

"Hey! You better watch yourself girl." Emmett threatened offended.

"Don't sass me boy!" Alice threatened back in her commander voice and slapped Emmett's cheek.

"Get control of your wife Jazz, before she gets knocked down a notch." Emmett said. Jasper merely shrugged his shoulders.

"There's nothing I can do. You know how she is when she gets like this even Carlisle can't control her." Jasper sighed again.

"Everybody know the plan?" Alice asked.

"Yes ma'am." The boys said sulkily.

"Good now let's put this plan in action. It is Christmas Eve Bella should be here any minute. Charlie already gave her permission to spend the night. Things will go down without a hitch." Alice said confidently.

"Eh." Jasper grunted.

"Whatever." Emmett said unenthusiastically. "All I wanted to do was play a few jokes on Bella, give her the embarrassing gift I bought her, and making force feed her tons of cookies and milk. But nooooooooo. Alice decides she wants to take over Christmas since Edward wouldn't let her help set up. Somebody call the Vulturi and have him taken away he wouldn't let Alice decorate." Emmett ranted sarcastically and pessimistically.

"Oh get over it. Man up Emmett." Alice demanded. "Stand up straight. Now let's move out. Go get in your costumes." Alice kissed Jasper. "You'll look adorable." She said cheerily. Jasper sighed and went on his way. "I'll be in to check on you two in a bit, I have to greet my dear friend Isabella Swan when she comes to the door." That same smile returned to her face. The one that makes werewolves, human, and vampires fear for their lives. The games had begun.

Soon after Alice heard the front door open. Before Bella even stepped through the threshold Alice came skidding to a stop directly in front of an angry Edward shielding a helpless and curious Bella peeking from behind Edward's body.

"Alice!" Edward growled.

"Yes brother?" She asked innocently.

"What the hell do you think you were doing? You could have hurt her going at that speed."

"I stopped." She protested.

"Barely."

"Okay I'm sorry Edward. I wasn't thinking." She apologized as a scolded child would.

"Hi Alice." Bella said innocently from her stance protectively hidden behind Edward.

"Hi Bella!" Alice said excitedly bouncing up and down.

"Edward would you mind moving out of the way?" Bella asked. He looked down at her questionably as if she was crazy.

"Yeah sure." He replied allowing her passage to his insane petite psychic sister. "Bella…just…" He paused searching for the right words to say what he intended in a polite way. "Be safe."

"Of course. What could happen to me with Alice anyway?" Bella said skeptically and rhetorically as she walked away her arm threaded through Alice's.

"With her? Anything and everything." He said quietly. Alice whipped her head around and smiled wickedly answering all of his unasked questions. "Oh God." Edward sighed.

Once they were a good deal away from her overbearing brother Alice began to chat with Bella, the true victim in this Christmas story.

"So Bella, what do you want for Christmas we have all day you can pick whatever you want." Alice smiled.

"Alice I told you I don't want anything. I told Edward not to do this but he wouldn't listen. I don't want any of this. He's so stubborn." Bella replied exasperated.

"Really?" Alice asked in pseudo shock.

"Yes." Bella said sternly and confidently.

"Perfect." Alice said too low for Bella to hear. "Boys you're going to be my little helpers. I need you to distract Edward for a little while I pawn Bella off on Esme." Alice whispered while passing by Emmett's room. The door swung open and there stood Emmett wearing a Santa Claus hat and in nothing else but a Christmas tree man thong saluting Alice and saying "Yes Ma'am." Inside the room Rosalie was wearing a candy cane corset top lingerie ensemble with a jingle bell choker and tied to the head board using reindeer reigns. The last thing heard was a gasp from Bella and a gag from Alice accompanied by Rosalie's scream of "EMMETT!" Then the slam of a door as Emmett retreated back into his room to do only an all hearing vampire knows.

"OH MY GOD!" Bella breathed shocked. "Edward oh my god." She whispered. Edward came running up the stairs at the mention of his name coming from Bella's lips.

"Love what happened?" He asked.

"Emmett…thong….Rosalie….lingerie….handcuffs…bedroom…ugh." She shuddered.

"Emmett! Rose! Take that elsewhere!" Edward yelled unnecessarily.

"Oh bite me." Emmett yelled back.

"I would if I wasn't afraid of catching some kind of disease. Who knows where you've been!"

"More places than you my brother. Places you've never been in 106 years. Places you wish you could be with the human you are currently snuggling up to."

"I will slaughter you!"

"Sure bro why don't you take some of that repressed sexual tension and release it with Bella in your room."

"Emmett shut up or_ I_ will kill you!" Bella threatened.

"Sorry Bella." Emmett apologized cowardly.

"Edward stay with Bella I have some…uhhh…stuff… to do." Alice said disappearing down the stairs.

Sneakily Alice began to snatch the presents one by one from underneath the Christmas tree. She hid them all throughout the forest nearby. Phase one completed. Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, a Jasper reindeer, an Emmett Santa hanging his head, a very cuddly snow bunny Bella being held securely by Edward, she was probably scarred for life, were standing around the backyard setting up torches and lights, a stage for the Christmas skit, and sets for the stage. They were going at a slow pace for Bella's sake, savoring a human Christmas.

Next was the tree. Alice undecorated the whole tree, every branch stripped bare. Then she picked up the tree and put it out in the forest as well blending it in with the other evergreens standing next to it. The only traces left behind were pine needles that fell off. Alice continued to take all the festive decorations from the wall, ledges, floor, and anywhere else she spotted them all the while quietly laughing evilly to herself. She proceeded in this manor until she was finished. She quickly sprinted up the stairs and changed into her Who costume.

This year they were putting on a production of Dr. Suess's , How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The Cullens obviously didn't see the irony. Alice was ready just in time to hear the opening theme for the first act. Edward had way too much time. He made a soundtrack. Edward and Carlisle came out and were climbing with Esme and Rosalie trailing behind up to the Grinch's lair on Mount Crumpit. The play went from there going through the events. Picture it, Emmett singing "He's a mean one", Alice singing "Where are you Christmas", and so on. **(A/N: if you have never seen the Jim Carrey version ****of this movie ****see it now. Run**

All in all the performance was spectacular. Bella gave them all a standing ovation smiling and laughing. Jasper was a little pouty but that's just how the cards are drawn. Alice was beaming with happiness. Christmas was over. This would teach Edward not to let her help create Christmas. She laughed maniacally in her head. She even literally threw her head back and shook with laughter as if she was the jolly ol' Saint Nick himself.

"Alice you are seriously disturbed." Edward said.

"Yeah Alice, I mean I was trying to be nice but you're even being creepy to me." Bella said.

"Oh you guys have no idea." Emmett said.

"UH! Well I have never." Alice huffed and stomped over to where Jasper was standing and grabbed his hand pouting. "Let's just go inside."

"Good idea. It's cold out here." Bella shivered.

"Bella dear would you like a cup of hot cocoa?" Esme asked lovingly.

"Yes please if it isn't too much trouble." Bella smiled.

"Not at all." Esme smiled back and kissed Bella's cheek and went into the kitchen.

"I'll go join her." Carlisle said. "It's so good to have you here Bella." Carlisle said touching Bella's arm and then following Esme inside.

"So what'd you think?" Edward asked Bella.

"It was great. I know I told you not to do any of this but I'm actually enjoying myself. Thank you Edward." Bella complimented and stood on her tip-toes to kiss Edward on the lips.

"Thank you." Edward said smiling. "I'm glad you've finally come around."

"So what's next?" Bella asked excitedly.

"Christmas songs playing while we open presents around the Christmas tree."

"Sounds perfect."

"You're perfect." Edward said staring into Bella's eyes.

Suddenly a chorus of gagging and choking noises sounded behind them. They turned to see Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice all making disgusted sounds. Edward smiled and looked back to Bella. She smiled back and crushed herself to Edward locked in a passionate kiss.

"Jeez guys just get a room already." Emmett said smirking.

"I'm with Emmett on this one, a cute little seductive outfit for Bella, some sexy underwear for Edward, and a couple toys you two won't come out of that room Emmett suggested for decades." Rosalie added.

Bella blushed a tantalizing shade of scarlet.

"She's right Edward even Alice and I…experiment…sometimes." Jasper grinned glancing at Alice.

"I agree wholeheartedly. Don't knock it 'til you try it Eddie and believe me you will try it…more than once." Alice winked at Bella which made her blush an even darker red but she was smiling as if she was reveling in the idea.

Edward grasped Bella's hand and led her inside. Waiting for her at the kitchen table was a horrified and sad Esme holding a cup of hot cocoa. Carlisle's arm was wrapped around her shoulders lovingly.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. Edward was the one who answered.

"All the work that Esme put in." A growl came from Edward. "Who did this?" He demanded turning to his siblings. "Who took down all the decorations Esme and I put up? Which one of you didn't want Bella to enjoy Christmas?" Edward snarled. His brothers and sisters exchanged glances. Alice was playing her role quite well.

"Edward." Bella whispered.

"Tell me! I can read your minds. You may be hiding it now but all I have to do is search a little."

"Edward."

"What!" He yelled. Bella cowered down. "Oh I'm sorry love. I didn't mea…" He cut himself short and just wrapped her in his arms. Bella was silently crying. Tears were falling from her eyes. "Bella I'm so sorry." Edward hushed her.

"It's not that Edward. I was having a great time here and now it's all ruined." Bella sniffed.

"Are you all happy now?" Edward hissed to his siblings. Alice stepped forward ashamed and looking at the ground.

"Bella? I did it. He wouldn't let me help so I decided to get him back. I'm sorry." Alice explained like a scolded kid.

"I should have known." Edward mumbled. Bella continued to cry in Edward's embrace.

"Bella I will fix everything." Alice promised before rushing out to gather all the decorations and presents and everything else that she'd hidden. In no time flat everything was back to the way it was originally. Bella gasped.

"Edward it's beautiful. Thank you." She said. Edward wiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her lips.

"You're very welcome." They were both smiling as they turned to Alice. Her eyes went wide.

"You tricked me! Bella! You were in on it?" Alice ranted shocked. Edward and Bella started laughing. Soon Emmett and Esme joined in. Finally Jasper and Carlisle as well.

"You were all in on it? Edward I hate you! I will defeat you! Just you wait for New Years!" Alice yelled shaking her fist in the air and walking away grumbling to herself about her plans for New Years.

A/N: So did u like it? I hope so. Anywho just press that little review button and let me know what u think even if u totally loathe it. sad face I hope u didn't. If u want the new year's sequel just let me know.

Happy Holidays


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